secular dating advice

My question, which I've had for awhile, is "should Christians take any secular dating advice?"
I watched this from the TODAY show, and think that there are some good take-aways. However, I don't think Christians should take advice like "it's the 21st century, the girl can call the guy and ask him out." I don't think this is prudent or, frankly, attractive.
What do you think?

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Comments

[Laura]

As a general rule I would agree with you, Les. But I do think it is very situational. I did not "ask" Gary out on a date when we first met, but I did borrow some silverware from him and his roommate and he had to come down to our apartment to get it back! I then invited him and his roommates to a party we were having. Thirty years and 3 kids later - we are still here! <3

[Leslie]

thanks for the comment, yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with being "strategic" but also trusting God in the mean time.

[Lew]

The one hesitation is the differing world views and ways that concepts are defined.

I learned my freshmen year of college that often times non-Christians and Christians have a different vernacular when it comes to dating. In my mind dating is getting to know someone in an intentional manner to discover God's will for a marriage in a way that glorifies God. Non-Christian guys on the other hand define dating as doing whatever it takes to a get girl in bed with them. I'll never forget the shock some non-Christians guys had when I told them it was ok to pray about pursuing someone. After we talked more I discovered that we were defining pursuit in different ways.

"soul mate" is another concept that Christians and non-Christians can define in very different terms.

[Leslie]

Lew, thanks for the comment! I totally agree with that.
I guess I'm thinking of things more on the girl-end, since that's where I'm coming from. One of the things they said in the video clip is that girls shouldn't go into every dating relationship thinking it's going to end up at the altar. I think this is good advice. Even the most prayerful, well-intentioned godly man can pursue a girl honorably and it still not end up in marriage. I think a lot of Christians (girls) expect to end up marrying the guy if he is well-intended and honoring her.

[Lew]

From the man-end I think that is also where secular dating advice fails Christians. If a man fulfills his role to lead and communicates clearly from day one, than the girl can should not have an expectation of marriage until the man communicates that which will be swiftly followed by a ring.

Defining a relationship isn't something that just happens at the start of a relationship, but should be a continual conversation as a reminder of where the relationship is at. An older man at my church once said, "The purpose of courtship is to discover if it is God's will for two people to marry." God has called men to lead in reminding women of this truth so that their hearts can be guarded and pure for God.

[Leslie]

amen! I just wish there was a way to know before you go down the intentional dating/courtship road, but I've yet to find it (and I don't think it exists) :-)

[Alex]

It seems that many if not most relationships begin out of a fear of loneliness or being single, other selfish motives, or a dependence on our own reasoning, rather than a trust in Gods will and the leading of his spirit. I really believe that it is our attempt to control and manipulate our circumstances toward what we selfishly want that leads to so many of the relationship problems we see. I'm not necessarily saying that girls do this more than guys but you know... I'm just saying. :)

[Leslie]

(i'm just throwing this out there, not necessarily me)
what if a person wants to be married to have kids, they want to serve someone in that capacity and be in a situation where their selfishness would be challenged. Granted, you can do the last two things in different ways as a single. But aren't their godly, unselfish reasons for wanting to be married?

[alex]

I think there are lots of great unselfish godly reasons and desires that point and lead to marriage, but I think the important part is what we do with those. Do we wait patiently for God to fulfill them his way and in his time, (do we actually believe that he is good and that he wants what’s best for us) or do we impatiently and selfishly pursue them our way and in our time.

[Leslie]

Very well said

[Kellen]

We can't forget that the primary purpose marriage serves is to help us understand Christ's relationship to the church. Be intentional about learning how you can model that to the world in relation to a member of the opposite sex and many problems fade. Before ever beginning the intentional dating/courtship process there should be thoughts and prayers about how the relationship can make God and his glory known to the world. This is not a "practical" solution to all possible dating mishaps, but it sure helps me keep things in perspective.

[Frank Martens]

Just restating what Alex is saying, as if I'm talking to God... "God sure I'll serve you, I love to serve you, I love kids, I love family, I love your church, BUT! I'll serve you the WAY I want and WHEN I want." Not quite sure how that makes a humble servant.